September 2004 Goose Droppings

Please Be Advised You do not have to take a loyalty oath to read this letter.

Corn Feed At the Cook’s. Sparse crowd possibly due to the fact that it was the Labour Day weekend but that didn’t stop those that were there from having all the fun they could handle. After the ladies relinquished the bocce pitch Jamie and me administered a spanking to Nick and Mal. 11-1 Ouch! I guess I expected more from these gentlemen after all they come from a society where the ability to lawn bowl is not only highly prized but is also an article of faith in their collective folklore. I’m thinking of Sir Francis Drake’s game of bowls just prior to the arrival of the Spanish Armada. Oh well perhaps it’s just a case of the inability to take the rough with the smooth… and boy was it rough. Oh yeah, also if you happen to meet Malcolm’s Italian in-laws please keep it hush-hush about the score in the Bocce game…we don’t want Malcolm to wake up with a horse’s head in the bed now do we? A sign of the ominous march of time…Brittany Read (Pee Wee’s middleone) attended the party…with a beau. Time flies when you’re in a coma. Many thanks go out to George and Virve for their hospitality.

Powell River Trip or This Drinking Team Has a Rugby Problem September 11 and the only disaster was the Twilighters’ game. Bad habits from Wednesday night surfaced, e.g. laying too flat in attack, not carrying the ball into contact with authority, getting too close together and generally trying too much finesse. Also some looked like they were attempting to catch the ball with the back of their hands, not conducive to good ball handling. Big Steve from Otago carried on the tradition of scoring the first try. (The Bastard!) And then either Mario or Louis, the age challenged one, scored no. 2 before Frodo (Ian Trevor) got loose for the Twits’ first one. Shortly (there I go again) after the change at the half Ian streaks over for the second Twits’ try, for which he deservedly received Otago’s Man of the Match. Chris Leetch scored the winner for Otago in the late going, popping something in his leg in the process. Speaking of leg pops, Jamie London tore something in his calf while fiddling with a loose ball and had to go off. This necessitated wholesale personnel changes, Turk to hook, Ted Jung to scrum-half where he demonstrated that he could put a ball in straight just not straight enough for Mike Suddaby who was nice enough to work the game. It looked and sounded like Bob Panton did his leg too when he ran onto and skidded on the soccer net frame behind one set of goalposts. No major damage done though. James Copeland also hit the outpatient’s clinic for a leg malady or maybe he was even more out of shape than the rest of us. Garry Henry and Paul Cumming ripped off some long runs but could not quite finish them off. Lack of support, possibly? Later, Garry, Frodo, Bob Panton, Paul Cumming and Bruce Grist were reduced to tackling, tackling, tackling. Another strange thing; Otago seemed to have the Indian sign on Murkules on the day. They wouldn’t let him loose. Yet one more strange happening. Just prior to Otago’s last try on something that the referee, Mr. Suddaby detected and blew up, 6’3”, 20 stone Nick Oliver had gathered in Mario, the very fleet but very petit Otago winger and was preparing to launch himself and Mario into the turf. “Come to daddy, little one I’m going to turn the lights out now!” Thank goodness nothing came of it though.

Many thanks to Otago for the post game feast; BBQ’d ribs and salads. They showed up just in time to avoid rampant drunkenness.

Backing up a little, on the way up at the Langdale terminal, Turk and crew and James Copeland and John Adams are determined not to partake of the ferry food. Consequently, when the traffic started loading there were 2 vehicles balking the lines and pilots, navigators and tail gunners scrambling back from Troll ’s wiping the egg off their faces.

On Friday, Bob Panton, Nick Oliver, Garry Henry, Steve Baron and Jamie London went ahead to play a round of golf and teach Nick how to play euchre. Apparently there’s a long learning curve attached. The vehicle used was Bob’s Brown Bomber and when loaded with golf clubs and rugby gear it gained a passing resemblance to Jed Clampett’s flivver in the Beverly Hillbillies; one could almost hear banjo music. On the way back, because Jamie had clocked his leg, the buggers managed to get a Crip Zone card that allowed preferred loading. Also Adams got lost. I smell Lost Award all over this one.

Other stuff...

This next from Frodo. Ian and Heather Gray did a house swap with a couple from England (King’s Lynn, in fact) just recently for a month and Frodo remembered this limerick.

"There was a young man from King’s Lynn,
Who was so exceedingly thin,
That when he essayed,
Making love to a maid,
He slipped on the rug and fell in."

(Ed. note: For those who haven’t met Ian Gray, well I’ve seen more meat on a butcher’s apron.)

Seattle, September 9 Seattle came up on the 19 of September and the Twits dusted off their A-game finally. The NOB’s Paul Campbell thundered in for Seattle’s 1st try but then the dam gave way. Pee Wee scored twice, Mumoi, Tyler and Frodo scooted in for one apiece and Garry remembers 2 for sure but some other observers are convinced another one was scored. Later on, NOB, Tom Miller got loose at midfield and went all the way to make it 7 possibly 8 to 2 for the Blu Cru, but who’s counting. A funny thing happened on one of Garry’s gallops, he generously fed the ball back to Roger Ruddy at about the 40 meter line. Now all Roger had to do was to run straight for the line. Rog started and made about 10 meters when the ball started to get away from him. What was it Browning said? “Ah but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp.” It is thought that the fact that Rog did not have to run in his usual pinball wizard style contributed to his lack of concentration and subsequent loss of the ball. In any event Roger offered up a few excuses for this lapse.

- Garry never passes
- The sun was in my eyes
- My contract only calls for 10 yd runs
- Thought the pass was forward
- Ball heavier than it looks
- Been here since ’86 and this is the 1st f***** thing this club ever got me (Screw-up of the Game which he richly deserved)

... and the default excuse, “I stepped in a hole.”, which if you consider the fact that Roger towers over Frodo by about 5/8” of an inch it’s not that bad of an explanation. I think I’d stick with that story.

While we’re walking off the field, Roger offers to carry the ice chest and Gerry Taylor retorts, “ No thanks, you might knock it on.”

Post Game Team Presidents, Team Captains start talking, yadda, yadda, yadda, Bob Loblaw. Then George Cook, that politically incorrect but very democratic, equal opportunity Slagmeister picks Paul Campbell for running the first try in over Doc, Ollie and ME. Wadda load. As has been mentioned Coach Cook tagged Rog with the other one and a few more beer were consumed. Tom Miller for Seattle was picked as Man of the Match and the general consensus was that Garry was our go-to guy. Here he is enjoying his "Reserved Parking" spot.

Other Game Results

Semiahmoo Old Boys, September 26 Those Sobs you hear are not the team itself but their aural expressions of frustration as they try to defeat their nemesis, the mighty Twilighters. Beautiful day on the peninsula for rugby and the Twits A-game was still in evidence. Garry and PW link up for the first 2 tries, Pee Wee notching them. Then Garry got 2 of his own and Sandy MacDonald chipped in with 1. Good pressure yields a try for the Sobs and then large 2nd row/8th man, Ron Van Vliet goes for a ramble from the 40 meter area and scores, straight-arming 5 guys in the process, one of whom was Malcolm Solway who otherwise had a burner of a game. Mal was rampaging all over the pitch, linking and tackling and generally holding the Sobs’ feet to the fire. Good post-game scawf, curried chicken over rice and somebody said, “Watch out for the Thai sticks!”, referring I guess to the seasoning sticks in the curry. When we heard the magic words “Thai stick” Garry and I did a double take and an immediate reassessment of the ingredients of the curry. Alas, somebody was pulling our collective legs. Garry Henry and Ron Van Vliet were selected Men of the Match. 5-2 final, advantage Twits.

Legends, October 3 et another brilliant day and the Twit machine kept rolling along, dumping the Legends 5 to 2. It was a tough game with the Legends presenting a tough pack that required a lot of tactical retreating to maintain possession of our put ins. Legends suffered a couple of injuries including a minor concussion and a broken collar bone. Andy, from Nanaimo, taking over from Dunbar and picking up some frequent Rugby Slut miles at hook and prop. He also got an award after the game; either Man of the Match or Screw-Up of the Game, I’m not sure which. I think the latter because he was always tying his shoelaces. The triggermen were Pee Wee 2 (Ominous march of time-PW is going to be 50! this year, boys and girls), newbie Frank Furesz blooded his sword with his first try, Island Boy, Mumoi Tukutau got loose for one and of course Garry Henry got another one. Murk missed his second game because of a bunged-up leg he suffered at Powell River (which I forgot to mention earlier) Pee Wee got his first victory at coach as George had taken French leave. Another newbie, Harvey Johnston had a blinder at break for the Twits and was selected by the Legends as their Man of the Match. One positive observation; Ollie “Gold Shorts” gets a pass on the wing and Legend standoff, Nigel claims him and waltzes him into touch, letting him lead at one point I think. When I related this after the game I think it was Billy Walker who said, “Pphtt, Nigel tackles everybody that way!” After the game Garry and Tina went house hunting. They’re going to need one with more room to put all Garry’s awards in. Garry got Man of the Match…again.

And Finally...

Ladies Night *Update*: Clear your calendars! The night has been moved toNovember 6! Get your Number 1’s out of mothballs! Polish up your dancing shoes! It bids fair to be another fun evening! $40 per couple, 2 bottles of wine on the table, drinks 7 for $20! Doors open and cocktails 6ish, dinner 7:30ish!…BE THERE!

Dues are now payable: $125 cheap like borscht! Make your arrangements with Turk or you won’t be allowed to play!

Masters Games 2005 Edmonton: Commitment date is in Feb. ’05. 60+ see Dave Milne. 45+ see George Cook.

Grey Cup Nov.21: At the Clubhouse. John Adams and Steve Wiles are hosting a fund raiser for junior rugby, wrestling and football! $100 a ticket! $2000 cash prizes! Hors d’oeuvres, salmon and steak! If you want a tax receipt, pay by cheque and make it payable to CAWA.

Parting Shot

That’sit for now folks and remember if any of the foregoing stories conflict with the truth, the truth will take precedence…only if it’s funnier.

Ta, ta Snoop Dougg